And so she wrote

 

 

I’m sitting on my bed, fingers fumbling about on the decrepit keyboard of my ancient laptop, prepping to answer the following questions:

Where have I been?

How do I begin again?

And the answers to those questions are simple but the words just seem to busy themselves in my head without really saying anything. They bump around like fireflies in a jar and sputter out to rest against the glass before continuing this useless dance. The story I’ve been going with is school. “School’s got me busy so I’m taking a break” and that’s not exactly a lie but it’s a half-truth at best.

The full, unfiltered, grit-in-the-water truth to where I’ve been is that I just haven’t been. I just haven’t been anything. For some reason, every time I sat down to write for the past forever nothing has come out. Nothing has spoken to me. It was like my creativity decided to join the tiny house movement and went off the grid somewhere in Montana. I couldn’t even get a dial tone going. So that’s the truth. I surrendered into monotony and depression and wallowing in self-pity, essentially letting my life fall apart. Putting it back together these past few months have been just shy of the hardest experience of my life. I just keep repeating this mantra my grandmother taught me in my head, “If you put work into something, you get it back in results”. All I can say is that I better get start seeing some results, I swear to God. I don’t want to go into a lot of detail into the how’s and what’s at this time but maybe, at some point, I’ll write about them. It might even be therapeutic to do so. We’ll see . . .

The answer to “how do I begin” is much shorter. I’m going to write. I’m going to aim for once a week from now on. I’m also going to try to branch out my writing. This blog, diary, whatever it may be started as a place for me to improve my writing and I’ve realized that I’m limiting myself creatively by sticking to this “slice of life” style. I’m hoping to post things like letters, works from different genres, maybe even poetry. That’s the good thing about having my own site, I can do whatever I want. I’m also going to start adding songs to my posts that I’m currently listening to or that I feel go with the mood of the work because why not? You know what else? I’m going to make this the start of Season 3. New start, new season.

Once again, I’d like to thank those of you that follow me and liked the facebook page. I really like hearing from all of you so feel free to shoot me comment or question.

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