Every morning I wake up and throw a smoothie in the blender while I’m getting dressed. Why? Because it’s delicious and I think blueberries are a delight. It’s 7:00 and I’m just shuffling like a three legged horse in need to be put down. It’s a cruel cruel joke to be up that early. I used to wake up at 5:00 am before I realized that I was an idiot. I’m not a farmer. I don’t need to wake up that early. My ancestors fought to survive and it’s like a slap in the face to them to wake up that early. Hey, I don’t need to forage. I make my smoothies in sweet little zip-locks ahead of time. There is zero scrambling about and that’s great! It’s simplicity! You see people on TV rushing about and serving some sort of brunch nonsense. Why? No one needs a kale garnish at 7am. It’s just silly.

I throw on the basic uniform. Dress, belt, Cardigan, Ellen Degeneres Boxer Briefs. There is a reason to this madness and it begins with the dress. If you ever see me in jeans, call the police because something horrible is happening and I’ve finally snapped. Continue reading →